Washington, D.C.Finishing an exhaustive 2-year study of ethnic stereotypes in America, a team of white Congressmen have released their list of cultural and ethnic stereotypes for 2008. Their researchers discovered new cultural trends that they hope will be applied to college acceptance criteria, equal opportunity laws and measures, and other social service initiatives.
Their findings:
- African Americans are presumed to be educated, productive members of the middle class with enviable amounts of intellectual and athletic aptitude.
- Asian Americans are taller than before while still being the "go-to" lab partner and math team ringer in public schools.
- Americans of European descent are most often concerned with petty, consumer matters and have grown increasingly fatuous. While other ethnicities devote free time to intellectual, spiritual and athletic pursuits, white Americans are most likely to watch a news report on credit card scams, Social Security's shortcomings, pet food recalls and online child sexual predators.
Said one Congressmen - "While there was a considerable push to include hispanic Americans in the study, we chose not to piss anybody off by even attempting to pigeon-hole people of such a diverse and vibrant cultural history. Also, since many speak Spanish - a European language - we chose not to get that specific."
UPDATE: Asked for comment, Alex Smith, a prominent white athlete known for his academic achievement remarked, "Clearly we [white people] have a lot of catch-up work to do."
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