Robosaurus Going Green?

Is the car-eating robotic dinosaur growing a Green conscience?

North Carolina -

Robosaurus has declared to fans, potential bookings and handlers that it intends, from now on, only to consume "green" automobiles. Taken as a sign of environmental awareness on behalf of the famed car-eating robotic dinosaur, many prominent environmental activists are accusing the dino of not doing enough. "How can Robosaurus claim to be a 'green' machine when it still spews fire from its nostrils and appears at gas-guzzling events like Monster Truck rallies and Nascar races," fumed one upset greeny. Scientists in other disciplines have cried foul of a different fallacy within Robosaur's newfound environmental awareness.

Steve Kim, a robotics researcher with the University of California- Irvine claims that "no man-made computer nor machine has yet achieved sentient thought or the capacity to think with human reason. I sincerely doubt Robosaurus' 'position' comes from within this robotic dinosaur." Kim went on to point out that given Robosaurus' popularity with blue-collar whites and southerners, it doesn't hurt to have an outspoken advocate for the environmental movement, even if it is in the person of a non-thinking robotic car-eating pyrotechnic device.

Robosaurus is scheduled to appear at the Firebird Raceway in Phoenix, AZ June 16th. Organizers of the event have not yet confirmed whether they can replace the Hummer they were planning to feed to Robosaurus on short notice but have told the press in a statement Thursday that "we will try to find a suitable replacement in time for the feeding. We intend to avoid cancelling the event and will do whatever is necessary to make sure that isn't a step we take." Andrew Eissfeldt of Phoenix's Camelback Toyota has stated publicly he could secure "low low" financing on a new or used Prius or "gas-sipping Yaris" for "Robosaurus to eat." At the time of this report, GetOnMyMap was unable to confirm whether the organizers at Firebird Raceway had contacted Eissfeldt.

Owner/Manager of Struggling Minor League Team Gives in to NPR's Incessant Requests to Profile Story

West Lake, TX
Long in denial of his team's impending doom, West Lake Oil Cat's owner and manager Doug Farling has given in to repeated requests by NPR (National Public Radio) to feature his team in a radio essay lamenting "the demise of the American pastime as experienced in the minor league." Farling first heard from a producer affiliated with Fresh Air with Terri Gross in 1999, when he purchased crumbling West Lake Stadium and rebuilt it, installing the Oil Cat's and giving West Lake its first professional sports team in over seventy years. "Opening day was incredible. I had the Blue Angels fly by and we gave away Oil Cat's collector cups to all the kids," reminisced Farling in his office Monday. NPR was interested in profiling the business in a bi-monthly series, detailing the trials and triumphs Farling would face trying to build civic support for a new minor league team. As a sample of their work, producers sent Farling tapes of recent shows on subjects like horse shoe making, collapsing steel mines in former boom towns, and even a story about the last collegiate tennis game held at a Division III school in Ohio. Farling became wary of the trend he noticed. "All these businesses were quaint and stuffed to the gills with folksy Americana," he dismissed. "I knew being on this show would paint the team in a bad light from day one. How am I supposed to get butts in seats when everybody in West Lake listening to NPR realizes my business is failing and 'every swing of the bat be the last we ever see?'" Farling's fears were met, though his reasoning may have been off. A largely Christian municipality, hardly a soul in West Lake listened to NPR. However it wasn't long before the stink of failure permeated West Lake Stadium. In its first season, the Oil Cat's were stripped of their class A status when they were removed from the Arizona Diamondbacks farm system. Soon, players left for greener pastures and Farling was left scrambling to fill his roster with capable players. Within two years, game attendance had plummeted, and even a Southwest League pennant couldn't revive fan support. Farling said a low point for him personally was when a local strip club asked to offer tickets to the home season opener in the spring of 2003 as part of a promotion they were running on the radio. Christian activists in town called for a boycott of the team's home games for the entirety of the season.

West Lake Stadium has now come to be known colloquially as the "Mistake in West Lake" by locals familiar with the Oil Cat's short history. Hoping to drum up any support possible, Farling finally agreed to the NPR story. "After eight long, disastrous years, this team needs all the help it can get," he lamented. "I just hope some people come to see us play North Dallas at home when those NPR people arrive."

DEAR GETONMYMAP: I Think My Graduation Speech Went Over My Former Classmate's Heads

By Julie Dirks
Bachelor of Arts, Business - Arizona State University Class of 2007

Don't get me wrong, I loved my time at ASU. Being a Sun Devil is a lifelong journey, one which I have only started since commencement which was two weeks ago this Thursday. But there's this nagging thought I can't drop and I hoped you'd be able to share this with your readers. Did my former classmates even "get" that we were all but past the first step of our adulthood? At the time of my speech, I was so nervous that all I could focus on were my ideas about commitment, community and scholarship. I really didn't pay much attention to the crowd - a No No to my public speaking professor for sure. But I was so sure they'd get my point about life's journeys, and how we'd just begun one of the biggest ones of all, that I couldn't tell if they'd bothered to let my message soak in. Watching the tape my mother made from the stands only goes to strengthen my worst fears. Whether they were planning to pursue a graduate degree, a lucrative job in journalism or business, or even just take the next few months to "chill out", it doesn't appear, on video anyway, that my fellow students were really getting my point.

At about the 13 minute mark, where I mentioned my study abroad program in Spain and how important it is for all of them to try and spend some time working with the underpriveleged overseas, I could swear I heard somebody say, "Get on with it!" How rude, if that's what he or she was really saying. But I know from years of schooling that sometimes even the smartest students cannot really be grabbed attention-wise with speeches. You have to get them on the ground floor and let them learn for themselves. I really hope my classmates who were not reached with my speech eventually learn this important life mantra: to be a truly great Sun Devil, we must take this time now to pursue our dreams, our goals, and our entire lives with the spirit and joy that we all had during our time at ASU.

I know I will, especially since I'll be starting a wonderful career in management consulting in Phoenix, AZ - it's something I could never have achieved without the love of my family, my friends, all my wonderful peers and professors at ASU, and the Lord our God.










Dream, Act...NOW. I couldn't have put it better myself.

Thanks GetOnMyMap for helping me spread my message to your readers.

Love,

Julie
:) <3